Oh, we’ve all been there in the beginnings of a relationship, playing that endless game of "Whose turn is it to call?" Everyone has their own ideas about who should call who first, and how many times the guy needs to call before the girl can call, and who calls who after the first date/first kiss/first you-name-it. Although women seem to be seriously obsessed with phone call rules, the movie Swingers deals with the issue particularly well for men, advising men everywhere to wait six days before first initiating contact with a girl they meet at a bar.

So what is the true rule of thumb about phone calls in relationships? I’d like to go out on a limb here and say IT DOESN’T MATTER. Boy, that felt good. Why should the girl always think that just because she picks up the phone to call him he’s going to freak out and think she’s a psycho-stalker or that she’s coming on too strong? On the same lines, not all girls are so delicate that they will fall madly in love with a guy and want a commitment just because he calls more than once a month.

Now, a word of caution. There are some things regarding phone calls that you really shouldn’t ignore. If you’ve met someone, they have your digits, and a month later your caller ID has never once flashed their phone number, they never answer the phone when you call, they take days upon days to return your messages, and they never seem to be free whenever you suggest doing something…that might be a hint that the interest level isn’t very high. In addition, there is such a thing as too much calling, and seventeen times a day definitely qualifies as too much.

I suggest not sitting back on our duffs and waiting for the other party to call, all the while wondering if it’s socially acceptable for you to call. It’s a brand new invention called Proactive Dating, and I highly recommend it. Who doesn’t like to get a phone call just because? It lets the other person know that you’re thinking about them, that you care. Not calling someone just because you think it’s their turn to call sends out the wrong signals, and can make the other person feel like you aren’t interested in them, when the opposite is true. Don’t ruin a potential relationship with someone just because it’s not your turn to call. Remember, a lack of initiating contact doesn’t mean they aren’t interested. They might just be playing the same phone call game as you.

  This Rambling was featured in the Single For Now magazine
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