So everyone here is very well aware of my positions on Valentine’s Day.  I don’t think it needs to be restated.  But recently I discovered that my reliable Valentine’s Day-dodging sidekick, Mr. Dufrain, is actually going to be celebrating Valentine's Day this coming year.  That’s right.  The filthy, nasty, vile, and much-feared creature - the love bug - has struck again, and is attacking the helpless and uninformed in record numbers. 

I want to eulogize and properly remember Mr. Dufrain for a moment before I continue.  Mr. Dufrain was a true hero in the war against Valentine’s Day.  He spent the day alone, not resentful that he had no one, but happy that he had no one.  He took full advantage of his solitude, and was a real champion for “It’s Okay To Be Alone Day”.  He was a solid Single Citizen, one that each of us can look to as an example to live our lives by.  

Let’s hang our heads in a moment of silence for our fallen comrade, Mr. Dufrain.

Fortunately for the rest of us, mere seconds before the love bug attacked and forever crippled him, Mr. Dufrain was able to take a picture of the dreaded monster.  In a fit of remembering how great it is to be alone, Mr. Dufrain forwarded the picture to me to share with all of you as a warning.  This photograph is real.  Other victims have positively identified the object in the photograph as the love bug.  If you have a weak heart, back problems, or are shorter than the black line on the side of your computer monitor, please do not look at this picture.  It is more horrible than originally thought.  I feel it is very important, however, for others to see for themselves exactly what the love bug looks like.  After all, Christmas and New Years often serve as springboards for the hordes of couples out there to try and shove down our throats just how “unhappy” we are this time of year.  It’s all a conspiracy.  In viewing the photo, just remember, this is the last thing that our late friend - and now martyr - Mr. Dufrain saw.  We should consider ourselves lucky to have never faced this demon of hell.

Don't let its seeming innocence fool you.  Remember that's exactly how Chucky reeled in his victims in all those Child's Play movies.  The love bug is a very, very dangerous creature.  Just looking at that picture gives me the willies.  And not the good kind, either.  Now that we know what we are up against, some words of wisdom.  If you see the love bug, run like hell.  Run far, run fast, and stay away for a long, long time.  You’ll be a happier person for it.

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